The Road

Anyone miss me? Nah. ha ha. I've been MIA the last couple of months, I was fortunate enough to land a new gig in Burlingame. I'm working as a Production Artist/ Technical Artist. The role is new for me, but I'm getting to play in a very important and active roll for the studio. It's kept me busy to say the least.

So busy, my art has halted. And I feel terrible. I've seriously been having trouble trying not to beat myself up over this. I feel like I need to post this and explain something as well. I've had a lot of comments about what a website should be. And I've come to the conclusion that for me my site will not be a site you come to for incredible artwork. Post after post, nothing but f**king awesome art. I hope to post the best art I can, but I'm also going to write.

Because I feel, for some reason, someone out there might be able to relate to my struggles and can see they aren't the only one going through the same crap.

As much as I would like to post beautiful artwork all the time, the bottom line is I'm just not there yet. And over the last couple weeks I've been learning to accept that, and accept that my road is different than others and it's going to take me longer to do what I want to do.

My new job has brought new hurdles, the largest being my commute and the feeling I've lost all control of time. I spend almost 4 hrs every day going to and from work. I try and make sure I use that time as wisely as I can, practicing good habits is key. Unfortunately my art for my classes has slowed way, WAY down like I mentioned and I've felt worthless really. So much progress and it's stopped.

However, if I take a step back and reflect for a moment, has it stopped? Am I terrible? Just a year ago, I was laid off, I made the decision to change my focus and do whatever I could to start learning from the best. For the last 6 years I spent my time and energy on learning everything I could on running a business, becoming a better leader, finding financial backers, and stressing about not being able to pay my team. During that time I never really pushed my art.

Well that has changed, and compared to 2011 I've come a long way! I'm proud to say I made 3 new portfolios, each better than the last. Did I get the dream job? No, not yet, but I will. My road is longer than others and I'll get there when I get there.

I've also been coming to the realization that maybe what I wanted for so long isn't exactly what I want now.

Next post "The Journey."



Tegan Clancy said...

Toby I hear you! I'm in the same struggle now working full-time in a great graphic design position, but it is hindering me creating my visual development portfolio. So inspired after CTN 2011, was given fantastic critiques on where and how to reach the level I want, its just life steals this time. I have full faith you'll make your career goals, just sometimes we have to settle for creating whatever art we can in our little spare time, if you get all the bad drawings out of the way you will be only left with greatness! That's how I'm continuing, any other tips you have throw them my way! Also this podcast episode helped:

Bob said...

You sure do have a strong ambition! Always kicked ass and got a ton of shit done. Inspiring me too!

jarrod lee said...

Good luck Toby. We're all struggling to do/find what we want out of life at this moment. The idea of that IS always changing and you do (if you're normal) question many choices/paths you may take. It's part of being human. But I honestly believe that if you're good at what you do, and if you have a genuine passion for it, you'll get where you want to be. Keep it up man, you're too awesome not to be where you want to be in the near future!

Adam Knight said...

We're all in the same boat Toby. We all want our dreams jobs and it's a constant artistic struggle to get there. On the plus side, at least you've found work and have a job. If we keep working hard and practicing our craft, we will get there. You're very passionate and I believe having that constant passion and drive will take you down whatever path you desire most.